You're earring is so big in my mouth
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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