Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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