I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
