Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
