Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
