I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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