It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize