i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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