im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
