I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
