So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
