No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well you can't waste a boner
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
