We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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