You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
