It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
