Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
