She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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