I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My bed smells like the plague
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
