Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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