I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
