Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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