There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
