The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
