he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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