I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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