im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
