I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
