i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
