I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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