walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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