I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize