I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
