my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
