She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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