The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
