I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
