Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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