marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
