Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
