honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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