I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
