So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
