I want to have your abortion
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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