dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
