I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
