nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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