I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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