oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i out mim tonsoeep
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