i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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