I hate your face
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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