I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
