I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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