Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
