Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this will be a night to untag.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
