My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
