What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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