last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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