his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
