my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
