I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
