Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
