I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
