If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
