I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
