hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
