I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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