Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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