I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
