I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
