i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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