Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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