rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
