I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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