bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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