In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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