I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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