We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
