Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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