I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
